Marcellus Williams Poetry - Reflections of Dementia: Causes of Missing You (Grandfather)

Reflections of Dementia: Causes of Missing You (Grandfather)

i remember you asking "when was i gonna come and visit?"

such was the moment of realization and it hurt so much to hear it

i imagined you warring with dementia desperately trying to cling to your family-

but hearing your voice had me wondering if i was still a memory?

i can picture you in a photo with the signature Hill head and ears

smiling into the lens with eyes that i believed knew no fear

since you have been gone things have been said - terrible things

-never did i know about the abuse your anger did often bring

so, so many thoughts and emotions are flowing through me right now

never could i imagine hurting those i love still i see no benefit in spending energy on the how

i can only remember you as my first example of a strong man,

an adequate provider,

fearless,

and one who was respected without even trying-

lived into your nineties still getting respect without a memory intact and dying

growing up i have no memories of being hugged or told i was loved

...I love you grandfather but the cycle must be broken with the guidance from above

families in which we are born are a sign of wisdom and what has been decreed

so rights must be fulfilled and limits we must not exceed

i remember you stressing our left handedness as a special connection

even now i can still feel the pride i felt then from this reflection

after knowing so much you revert to knowing nothing

i can't imagine experiencing a state where it is so difficult to be able to recall something

-or afflicted with a condition where neural pathways have been completely shut off

this is one state in which it means to be lost...

grandfather i haven't forgotten you and know that i miss you my left handed comrade-

(smile) but may Allaah bless me to always remember you as simply:

Grandad.

By: Khaliifah Ibn Rayford (Marcellus Williams) (7/28/2022)